I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
