Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
