Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
