your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How does one acquire holy water?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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