youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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