He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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