I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
