I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
