I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
