Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
