I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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