We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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