i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
