Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
