I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
