I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
