this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
