how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
