If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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