Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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