Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
