I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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