I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
