I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
