my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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