Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
time to smoke my breakfast
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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