i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
