areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
