Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Boobs are out for the taking
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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