I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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