I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
