the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
