It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
