I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My vagina is officially offended.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
