I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you mean i was at the winter classic?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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