im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
