im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
