Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
