accomplished twins. life is a go
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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