He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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