Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
