im about as happy as oj after his trial
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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