My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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