oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
