Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
