Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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