STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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