Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
