i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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