he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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