you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
