I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
