so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
